"Hi Edie: I have encountered a problem in my search for a Salsa dance partner in New York City and am wondering if you had any ideas.

I am a natural born Salsera in my mid 30s who has been dancing Salsa all my life!! I would like to hook up with a male dance partner (intermediate to advanced) to practice at least once a week here in the NYC clubs. The problem I have encountered is the fact that I am married.

My husband is a gringo who has tried to go dancing with me, we have even taken classes together. Unfortunately for me, my hubby just does not want to get into Latin music. He likes heavy metal music (aaaggghhh, noise!!!).

Anyway he suggested that I try to find a Salsero whom I can get together with 3 or 4 times a month. I have posted my search on your partner search board and have answered some of the search ads. As soon as I tell someone I am married (which is something I do right away) they freak out and don't want to even meet me!!

What should I do??

Am I doomed to just going to clubs and waiting for someone to ask me to dance?? I really would like to dance with someone on a regular basis. I need to dance!!!!! Help! Thanks." 
- Doomed

Dear Doomed,

I had the EXACT SAME problem when I was married. My former "gringo" husband also only liked heavy metal crap. We always argued over what music we'd listen to in the car, and at home. He'd normally win, to save arguments. The only way I found a partner was by going to clubs, and dancing, and dancing, and DANCING with men, and after a while, getting so good, that I had men wanting to be my partner, married or not. My first partner, Angel, fortunately was married as well. So both of us were in the same boat.

I used to go out alone all the time. "By honey…. Are you sure you don’t want to come with me? "don’t’ even ask me anymore, OK?" he’d respond. I would walk out that door, DECKED to a tee, high heels, makeup, short skirt, perfume… what kind of HUSBAND would let his wife go out looking like that? Not one that truly cares, I can assure you.

In the end, and several partners later, my love for dancing, and his lack of interest, eventually broke up our marriage.

Fortunately, 7 years after our divorce, I found a man who loves my same passion now. He and I LOVE getting all dressed up and going out dancing TOGETHER. We are both partners, working together, and loving what we do TOGETHER. We share the same music, feelings, and passions. In the beginning, it was quite unbelievable and shocking getting to actually listen to Salsa music in the car with him, rather than endless Laker or Dodger games.

Dancer husbands are more than romantic... they're your Soulmates.

If you want your current marriage to last, and you truly love your husband, don't go out, forget about Latin Clubs, and for God's sake, don't try and find a partner.

The awful truth hurts, I know.

I just tell it like it is, based on my own experience and many, many other's whom have written to me, who have been in the same boat. In fact, it is so bad, that I’ve heard of instructors who will refuse students if their spouse does not attend the class.

If he is not willing to make every effort to love and learn to share your passions, then his committed love to you and your marriage is questionable.

There will be problems, there WILL be problems, and
THERE WILL BE PROBLEMS.

I am so very, very sorry to have tell you this. Best of luck to you in your decision. Sincere, Friendship, and Love,
Edie, The Salsa FREAK.