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"Dear Edie..." Page Two Table of Contents: "Dear Edie, Dear Worried, It was this woman who helped them in the beginning, and along the way. She was patient with their every step. It was this woman whom all of them thank and sincerely love today. She's a wonder, a joy, and a truly beautiful woman, both inside and out. She's a GRANDMOTHER for crying out loud... and the legs on that woman... I saw her at an outside picnic and... whew!!! Her "Salsa dancers" legs would rival ANY twenty year-old there. Salsa Dancers laugh, sweat, and think more than the majority of the population. They take more effort to do EVERYTHING in life. Salsa dancers love life. They love passion. They love to laugh, and they love people. This is what will keep you young and never, ever alone. DON'T STOP!!!! EVER!!! I'm so glad you're taking all those classes. This gives you something to look forward to. Dancing is a big challenge, and one of the few activities that is never truly mastered. Too many of us "give up" after we've accomplished something. Dancing is hard to give up because of what it does for your body, mind, and soul. Something spiritual happens when you're dancing. When you're in contact with another human being, touching each other, holding hands, coordinating steps, laughing, sweating, and just having a ball, you're twice as happy as some of those people I see in grocery stores that are 10 and 40 pounds overweight, look miserable, and buying their TV Guide, chips, and Slim Fast.... They complain of loneliness, ailments, and sadness. Their conversations are filled with the latest talk-show jargon and people in worse situations than them. What a life. In the August '97 issue Life Magazine, there is an article on the healing power of "touch". Dancing Salsa is all about "touch" if you will. HEAL ME BABY!!! I was healed of the worst case of allergies and asthma that a person could ask for. When I turned twenty-nine, I couldn't keep enough Kleenex and Allerest in the house. I would weez at night, couldn't breathe during the day, and had to carry around an inhaler all the time. I was allergic to dust, mites, wild flowers, trees, grass, cats- you name it. I was basically allergic to the entire planet earth. I realized these ailments were all in my head the minute they disappeared when I started dancing! I'm not kidding. This is no joke, and I have medical records to prove it. The month I stared dancing Salsa, my allergies, and my asthma COMPLETELY went away. I realized that most ailments of this type are a state of mind. I changed my state of mind through this "Salsa Discovery", and my body was healed. I didn't quite know how to heal myself, but I asked my body and God for help and a cure. Something in my life wasn't right. I was 30 lbs overweight, and miserable. I was a size 14, and hated myself. I'm now a size "3". Who would have ever known "Salsa" would by my cure? God answered me, and I thank Him dearly for that. The most beautiful thing happened in LA last year. A man in his 70's was dancing with a beautiful woman. He looked up at her and said, "I'm having the time of my life!". A couple of seconds later, he had a heart attack, and died, right there on the Salsa dance floor. THAT is how I want to die. Dancing, dancing, and dancing... and having an absolute BALL doing it. "Dear Edie, WHEN DOES SHE SHOWER IN ALL THIS PLANNING? I find it difficult to go from club to club to club and not hit a shower along the way.... What I am getting at is this, you are somewhat of a power now in the Salsa World, and a lot of women tak your advice, based on your advice, us men are going to end up with a lot of women who bring a change of clothes in their car. We want them to go home, take a shower and then continue on to the "club". I can tolerate maybe a two-club minimum HAHAHAHHAHAHA THE EVER-READY BUNNY IS CUTE BUT I DON'T WANT TO DANCE WITH HIM IF HE HASN'T WASHED UP. Dear Concerned... Dear Edie, Dear Mr. Asian, Then, I thought about your question some more... What kind of world is this that we live in? It really depends on how we look at it. If we view the world as prejudice and unjust, and people are basically mean and that's to be expected, then indeed we attract into our lives what we think about all day long. We become what we think about. Let me explain. I know that if I go into a club feeling gross, fat, and ugly, I never get asked to dance. It shows all over my facial and bodily expressions. If I go feeling fat and ugly, then I expect people will look at me in the same light - and I see them viewing me this way as well. I never dance well when I feel fat and ugly. That's why I PURPOSELY go out of my way to dress to the hilt, put on tons of makeup, ravish my hair, stay on a strict diet and workout plan, and try my damnedest to look like the sexiest bombshell that ever walked the face of this planet. When I walk into a club feeling that way, you can just imagine how I think people look at me, and how I dance... I am EXPECTING 2nd looks from men, I am EXPECTING to be asked to dance, I am EXPECTING to dance well and have a GREAT TIME doing it. It ALWAYS works. The truth is, people really don't care. Most don't give a damn. THEY COULD REALLY CARE LESS WHAT I LOOK LIKE. They're just there to dance with ANYONE half-way decent, and willing to share in the release of the day's tensions and frustrations - like everyone else! If you truly believe that people are prejudice, you are right. Some people will not say "yes" to a dance with an Asian - or any other race besides their own. If you believe this, then you'll start planting that idea into other's heads, then THEY will start believing it too. It's kind of like that "rash" that mysteriously went around in grade school... remember that? One person started itching, then everybody started itching, then we all got to go home!! Yea!! It was a dirty trick then, but after I participated, I REALLY STARTED TO ITCH! I'm not kidding! I was itching here, itching there, getting welts ... it was awful! IT WAS ALSO ALL IN MY MIND. I created my own reality by BELIEVING this, and it became true. Mr. Asian, if you truly believe this in your heart, than I'm sad to say, it's true. They will ALL turn you down, so just expect it. Don't even bother to improve, or be persistent. Don't bother taking classes and smiling and showing off in front of them. You're Asian, so what' the use, right? You are right. On the other hand, if you start believing that you are AWESOME and the baddest dancer on the planet - with a body and looks to match, you WILL BECOME THAT so fast it will make your head spin - and the Latina ladies too! Latina women are picky about their men - but they'll NEVER turn down a dance with an AWESOME dancer - no matter what color they are. They go simply to get a workout and have fun - not to analyze. If a girl keeps telling you "no", then stop asking her. Go on to the next. I usually give up on a man when he turns me down twice. I figure, turn me down once, shame on you, turn me down twice, shame shame on me. Some of the best Latin dancers are Asian. In fact there are two I can think of right away that just blow me away when I dance Salsa with them - you may be one of them, I don't know who you are yet... And don't forget that Orquesta de la Luze is a wonderful example of a group of talented individuals tearing down the Asian / Latina barrier. They are a phenomenal Salsa Band, they are incredible dancers, and they are LOVED and ACCEPTED by the entire Latina world. You would never know they were Asian until you actually saw them. They have blown EVERYONE away with their incredible success, because they didn't know their limitations. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they will be yours (quote from Richard Bach). ANYWAY, don't use your race as an excuse for women's judgment. If it's true in your eyes, these gals aren't worth it and don't even bother, nor go there. Go find the "quality" dancer types - the ones that are just there for the good time and fun of it. Remember that some of them will not dance with people they don't know because some may have very jealous boyfriends watching their every move. Just keep dancing, take privates, have fun, and never, ever think twice about what God decided you to look like. You're stuck with it - whether you like it or not, you've GOT to bloom where you're planted my friend. Others have, and have succeeded, why not you? One of my favorite quotes of all time: "Dear Edie, ....What do you think?... I'm looking for answers from the male "beef" side... Answer from Beef #1: If she keeps going to the same places, she will get to know some of the regulars, and they will ask her to dance regardless of what she is wearing if they like her and if she can follow well. That's my opinion. Yours is such a fun website to read. I love these questions you pose that really make us think. Here's a question for you. Do you follow a guy when you are dancing even if he is not following the beat of the music? Sometimes I keep the rhythm for just a bit even though my partner is not, thinking that if the guy is inexperienced, it may help him out. But--I have danced with some who refuse to follow the music. Do you feel obligated to follow even if you know are only dancing to the rhythm in his mind and not to the music? (my boyfriend says follow and the guy will think you are a great dancer. If the female does not follow, then the guy will think it's the girls fault and that she can't dance.) Answer from Beef #2: Answer from Beef #3: Answer from Beef #4: The same goes for a woman who shows up in more formal attire. Some will look like stiff robots who are tied up in a knot. Others can pull it off beutifully, looking like, well, there just aren't words. To get an idea of what I mean look in a Victoria's Secret Catalog. There are some great examples of both formal and exhibitionist attire in there. You have to feel really comfortable. When I dress, I make sure that there is not a doubt in my mind that I am one of the best looking, sexiest men alive. That is the attitude I take with me to the clubs. I know I look good, I don't have to convince myself. (my dancing is another story:) I am MUCH more attracted to the women who dress sophisiticated. They are rarer, and when they have that sense of style, they are VERY sexy and alluring. They command more respect by dressing classy. Men take them more seriously. In Salsa I find I ask the classy girls to dance more often then the mini-skirt clad girls. It has a lot to do with the kind of women I want to meet. Answer from Beef #5: I'll rule out the possibility that she looks bad. If her looks turned men of they probably would turn then off even more when she dressed conservatively - or not (smile). Also, I've seen some pretty questionable bodies in the hot Salsa dresses getting plenty of dances. So I'll limit my guesses to other avenues. Perhaps all of these apply. Possibility number 1: Possibility number 2: Possibility number 3: Possibility number 4: (Perhaps the most likely explaination) The night she showed up in her work clothes I'm sure she had no attitude about how she looked. She may even have been feeling shy about it and not seeking attention. Boom! Obviously (I'm guessing), she must be attractive or she wouldn't have attracted any attention dressed conservatively. If she feels she'd have more fun dressing "hotter" she find a style that is so without being so blatant, and have fun. Answer from Beef #6: I will say this; I prefer women who dress with style which does not translate to displaying all of the goods or the outlines of every curve and crevice. Even if the girl has a slammin body(like Edie), does not provide her with the liberty to always dress in revealing little outfits and still look good. Two words, taste and and style!!!! Having said that, all bets are off when it comes to Hispanic Dudes. Hispanics generally go for what I consider to be trashy looking women. I am talking about the Hispanics that generally frequent the Salsa clubs. I am not saying that they are bad people but there is a big difference between Spain spanish(European) and Hispanics. Personally, I like the European style of dress and the way that Spanish(Spain) women carry themselves.. To me they are much more sexy in their long skirts and less revealing style of dress. Anyway, if you're just interested in dancing all night I guess you should continue wearing those long paints and white shirts. But don't base your level of attractiveness from Latin Clubs because it's a bad place to gauge such things. Remember the words of the late Versiage Answer from "Edie's personal questions to the Beef at clubs": I believe it’s a combination of factors, but after asking all sorts of men this question at clubs, it is certainly NOT because you are "white". Theory #1: Anyway, there was one time in particular I had gotten off work late. He wanted to meet me at a club that night. I didn’t have time to change, so I just went in what I was wearing, which was basically a dark blue suit jacket, with a long, flowing skirt to my ankles, and a stretch shirt under the jacket. Very professional looking, but the long skirt gave a feminine flair. Needless to say, I arrive at the club, and when he saw me, he almost fell off his chair. He had a HUGE smile on his face, and could barely Theory #2: Theory #3: I have found that most men in the Salsa scene are very traditional - especially if they were born in a different country, and especially if they are in their thirties or older. It’s basic instinct that when a man asks a lady to dance he may feel he has to "perform" for her, and make sure she’s pleased with him. Instinctively, subconsiously, he feels he must be better than her, and not have to compete for attention. If you’re dressed to the hilt, in a very sexy outfit, wearing next to nothing, well, that not only intimidates certain men, but it also makes them wonder about you. Theory #4: I know for a fact that certain men will REFUSE to dance with me if I’m wearing next to nothing - even if we’ve been dancing together for months! If I go to a club in a conservative outfit, they’ll ask me to dance everytime - like clockwork. Theory #5: If I were you, I would continue to experiment, one evening wearing something very conservative, and the next going balls-out sexy and in a "nothing outfit". Then ask your "guy friends" what they honestly think, and why they think that way. I have a feeling you’ll be quite surprised... Dear Edie, Dear Lil' Etiquette, It looks tacky if it appears the woman is leading a guy onto the dance floor. The woman should make it look like the man asked "her" - not the other way around. Even if she ask HIM to dance, it should still appear as if he asked HER. It's old fashioned I know, but it's nice. If he asked "her", then HE is more willing to dance with her than she is with him. It's the old female hard-to-get attitude we all know and love..... Another appropriate way of leading the woman to the floor would be when the man "allows" her onto the floor as if he was sitting her down at a dinner table for example. He should walk in front of her and lead her across the carpet to the edge of the dance floor. Once he gets to the edge, he can gently place her in front of him, by placing his hand gently on her back, and allow her to first step on the floor, in a very gentleman-like fashion. He should then take her hand, pull her close, and start the dance. How romantic... |
